I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office. I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job-weighing envelops, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts-the same monotonous grind year after year. so i said to myself: ''I am going to make that man like me. obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him. so i asked myself, what is there about him that i can honestly admire?'' that is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw something i Admired no end.
so while he was weighing my envelop, I remarked with enthusiasm: ''I certainly wish I had your head of hair.''
He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles. ''well, it isn't as good as it used to be.'' he said modestly. I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: "Many people have admired my hair." I'll bet that person went out to launch that day walking on air. I'll bet he looked in the mirror and said: "It is a beautiful head of hair."
I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: "What did you want to get out of him?"
What was i trying to get out of him!!!
If we are so contemptible selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return-If our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
Oh yes, I did want something from that chap. I wanted something priceless. And i got it. I got the feeling that I have done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.
Remember one rule: People are interested in themselves. The first step of getting people to like you is simple. All you have to do is be interested in them. Talk to people about themselves. Lead the conversation, making sure that it stays about them and they believe that they're the one in charge.
- Find out what they're interested in and seek to learn more. For example, you're talking with someone and they drop the hint that they went rock-climbing over the weekend.
- Ask the person more questions about this hobby: "How did you get started rock-climbing?" or "What do you like about rock-climbing?" or "Where is the coolest place you've ever gone rock-climbing?"
- These questions will lead to answers, and you can ask more questions or develop a conversation based on that. Regardless, the other person will be impressed that you're so interested in them, and glad that they get to talk about something they actually care about.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey said that, the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; And William James said: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." It is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.
Everyone wants to be liked, even the people who swear they don't care. Yet many people go through life, or at least part of their lives, feeling as if people do not like them.
You want approval of those with whom you come in contact. you want recognition of your true worth. you want a feeling that you are important in your little world. you don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. you wants your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, "hearty in their appreciation and lavish in their praises." All of us want that.
so let's us obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.
How? when? where? The answer is: All the time, Everywhere.
In you conversation, be funny, but don't act as a complete idiot. The class clown is usually a pretty popular kid, as is the prankster who's always making people laugh. Being genuinely funny is a hard thing to do, but it's an important part of getting other people to like you. Act funny and go with the joke the other person says. And don't constantly joke around or do pranks or the other person will get annoyed, bored, or frustrated with the pranks you are doing.
Talk about positive things. By and large, people want to be happy more than sad, so positive things are happier to talk about than negative things. Talking about negative things or complaining too much can put the person you're talking to in an uncomfortable position and sometimes leads the conversation astray. Instead, focus on sharing the happy or positive aspects of your life for other people to enjoy or relate to.
- Talk about what you love doing, and show sincere enthusiasm. Even if people know next to nothing about what you love doing, they'll be happy if you're happy explaining it. That happiness is infectious. So the person you're talking to knows next to nothing about Tom Ford clothing, but you can make them interested in the topic by showing your love for fashion and your expertise in explaining it to someone who doesn't know.
- Stay away from "danger topics" like religion and politics if you're meeting somebody for the first time. Most people will automatically judge you if you happen to share different beliefs about religion or politics, so it's best to leave those discussions for a later time.
- If you want to talk about something negative or bad that happened to you, make it a funny story. Humor is a great way to get people to instantly like you, especially when you can turn a horrific or boring story into something that's lighthearted and exciting. Look at yourself and find the humor in your life. It's okay to make fun of yourself if everyone knows that you're not taking yourself seriously.
- Develop your own sense of humor. Some people are really good at physical comedy — impressions, slapstick, vaudeville. Others have more of a dry sense of humor, preferring puns and wisecracks and cynicism. Figure out what kind of humor you're good at so that you can call it your own.
- Find humor in the things that other people have missed. Really good humor often comes from the stuff that's right in front of our eyes, but that everyone else hasn't noticed. Take notice of the funny things that happen to you and write them down or store them in your memory. When the time comes and the subject is right, unleash them on your friends.
- Bounce back from failed jokes. Some jokes will miss their mark and not end up being funny. But the great part about this is that no one ever remembers the jokes that weren't funny! People only remember the ones that were. So as soon as you get discouraged about telling a bad joke or missing the timing on a joke, remember that you'll have another chance at it soon and make the best of it